A Letter To Myself
Indonesia, 05th of February, 2019
Dear, Grown-Up-Roo,
How are you doing, dear? Has life been treating you well? Have you killed your demons? Have you found that someone who fights by your side the whole time? How are they? How are all your friends out there? Do you still keep in touch with all your loved ones? Where do you live? Do you finally managed to live in the Western side of the world? How's mom? Is she coming with you to live there? Do you finally finish your book?
Oh, my, I still have so many questions! I can't wait to meet you, Roo!
So, well, it's still 2019 now. About a week ago, Ms. Wiwin asked us to create this list of our dreams, especially related to our future study. I mean, you could put any goal you want, for sure. But since it was not long after the Edu Passion, she wanted to see if the event worked or not (I guess?). Ooh! She also asked us to list down our strength and weaknesses, which is by far one of the best way to learn something new about ourselves.
Do you remember what you wrote back then? If you don't remember a single freaking word from it, that's fine. I don't blame you. That's why I'm here, isn't it? I'll help you remember those emotional-mess' dreams.
Let's see if you've reached those achievements, shall we?
So, for starters, being the confused gal you are, you have no absolute fricking idea on what will you do or take as your further study. You wrote Chemical Engineering in TBI (or ITB in Bahasa) as your Plan A, which is understandable since you have no other references apart from what the psychologist told you several years before.
But, for your second plan, you wrote Psychological Study in UI or UGM. It was something honest, I gotta admit that, even when we both know mother wouldn't approve our decision. I know back then that you've always wanted to become a psychologist (or psychiatrist), especially to help those little kids so that they would feel better about themselves and the world. I know for sure you wanted to tell them as little boys that it's okay to be sad and melancholic or soft, or to the little girls out there that there are so much more out there than just waiting to be married to a rich frat guys.
Reading this, I don't think all of these make sense, but I know you'll understand.
For the last choice, you put International Relation UI as your plan C. It has nothing to do with science (heck, your honest answers were not science-related at all to be honest), but I know you'll enjoy it. I mean, you love learning new languages and travel around the world, learning something new as you go somewhere unfamiliar. You love it.
Yeah, that was all your plans, not including your dreams to be able to publish your own book. Or staying abroad.
You may notice some of your own weaknesses and strength up there. But just to be clear, let me rewrite those all for you, okay?
I believe that you love working with small amount of people. You are also a good listener, you even give great emotional supports time to time. You are also a fast learner--I mean, look at your brain! You also love to read, which is always a good thing to brag--and to learn something new. Speaking of new, you love learning new languages. Germany, Chinese, even ASL! You also have this charisma where people will pay attention when you speak. You're passionate about things, even when it's stupid. You also do things--even the simplest ones--with all of your heart. I know you often poured your heart for things which never gives any in returns (that broke you most of the time). You're open-minded. Very open-minded. I mean look at you! You're different! And speaking of difference, I know you're very tolerant to others. Especially for those who have been bullied. Because you know how it feels like to be discriminated.
But, you have to admit that you are a procrastinator. A pro procrastinator. You are afraid of imperfection, that's why you never manage to finish your own book until now. Even when you're passionate about it. I hope you somehow find a way to fix that, seriously. You're also clumsy! That's why you never put medical studies as your plan, even when mom and dad wanted us to do so. You hate physics, like really hate it. It is that one subject that you can never grasp, despite of how hard you tried. You're also not a people person. It's hard for you to be in that situation when you have to interact with so many people at once. You are full of hatred. You hate those who dwell in higher position, sometimes the hatred even comes with no reason at all.
But yeah, that was you. I hope you'll find ways to deal with your weaknesses in the future. And I do hope you've published your book when I get there!
P.S. I love you. In case no one told you today, I love you.
You may notice some of your own weaknesses and strength up there. But just to be clear, let me rewrite those all for you, okay?
I believe that you love working with small amount of people. You are also a good listener, you even give great emotional supports time to time. You are also a fast learner--I mean, look at your brain! You also love to read, which is always a good thing to brag--and to learn something new. Speaking of new, you love learning new languages. Germany, Chinese, even ASL! You also have this charisma where people will pay attention when you speak. You're passionate about things, even when it's stupid. You also do things--even the simplest ones--with all of your heart. I know you often poured your heart for things which never gives any in returns (that broke you most of the time). You're open-minded. Very open-minded. I mean look at you! You're different! And speaking of difference, I know you're very tolerant to others. Especially for those who have been bullied. Because you know how it feels like to be discriminated.
But, you have to admit that you are a procrastinator. A pro procrastinator. You are afraid of imperfection, that's why you never manage to finish your own book until now. Even when you're passionate about it. I hope you somehow find a way to fix that, seriously. You're also clumsy! That's why you never put medical studies as your plan, even when mom and dad wanted us to do so. You hate physics, like really hate it. It is that one subject that you can never grasp, despite of how hard you tried. You're also not a people person. It's hard for you to be in that situation when you have to interact with so many people at once. You are full of hatred. You hate those who dwell in higher position, sometimes the hatred even comes with no reason at all.
But yeah, that was you. I hope you'll find ways to deal with your weaknesses in the future. And I do hope you've published your book when I get there!
P.S. I love you. In case no one told you today, I love you.
Lots of Love,
2019's Roo.
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